Tag Archives: bipolar

Brainy Gonzalas and the Upside Down Living Habits

I’m starting to feel tired, I work at my desk on the opposite side to my bed, a bed directly behind me beckoning me to the land of nod. As you’ve probably guessed I didn’t sleep last night, instead I read almost all of ‘a briefer history of time’ , listening to the Eurythmics from my mobile phone.
I pre-warn you now; some of the content in this blog may contain scenes of piss poor spelling and possibly hints of hideous grammar due to sleep starvation.
The reason for this lack of sleeping or awake-athon as I never call it, is to recalibrate my sleeping pattern so the sleep bit happens when it’s dark and the awake bit happens when light. Naturally (and yes I know I’ve discussed this prior) I sleep when the sun shines and rise just in time for the moon, if it was 1610 I’d have probably been burnt alive for ware-wizardry or something.

I mentioned before i was reading a famous physics book about quantum mechanics and relativity, space time and so on…i really like physics. it proves a brilliant challenge. Some would call it mental sadism, i suppose that’s a fair enough assumption because it is, through strain and mental affliction, quite a pleasure. I’m quite content to be an amateur astro-physicist, no hefty pressure and a potential degree to indulge in later on, when comfortably financed, situated in an old crumbling ruin. It truly is a test of the imagination, a bit like exercise, pushing the vividness of mental imagery with every new idea, theory or discovery.

I’m beginning to get used to the medicine I’m destined to take forever to cure my madness (bipolar). Ceasing to appear constantly drunk, numb and now more capable of stringing a decent sentence together, I’ve began to revel in the novelty of concentration. You normal folk have it easy, to me it’s the most bizarre and splendid ability. I found myself thinking ‘life’s gonna be a doddle like this’. It’s as if I’ve been training for the 100 meters for years, keeping up with all the other runners, not being able to beat, but merely keep up, whilst lugging a fully laden SAS soldier’s rucksack as well. Well now the rucksacks been dragged off and woooaammmmmmmmffffff….i’m off like a genius, ploughing through books and scribbling and scribbling and reading and drawing and everything that requires focus and concentration. Anyway…besides this there are side effects, mild paranoia, weight gain (i seriously need to work out) and drowsiness, but the concentration alone makes up for this….oh and I can’t drink booze anymore, this being my favirout past time, to lose is…well I’m not arsed, I’m saving a bloody fortune. I’ve decided anyway that the debauchery must now be pushed a side, it’s an opportunity to dig my heals in and make up for years of lost productivity….

Good day

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Madness and Cycling


I think I’ve sussed out why I’ve been suffering from what can only be described as a weird sleeping routine all my life. Apparently according to the Internet I have Delayed sleep-phase syndrome lol. Basically this means I come alive when everyone goes to bed and don’t get to sleep until about 4 am. Unlike insomniacs I manage to get a groovy, fully fledged decent sleep but don’t wake up until the afternoon. Naturally this hacks everyone off, including my parents and I usually sort it out by filling myself full of snoozing concoctions or booze. Alone, left to my devices, unaltered by self medication I revert to a naturally odd cycle of sleep. I’ve been recommended (by the internet) to find an occupation to suit, luckily I’m half decent in the writing department. I now have quite a collection of maladies adding Bipolar, debauchery, mild OCD and long hair. But then, we shouldn’t view each idiosyncratic eccentricity as necessarily a negative, I’m sure there’s an apparent syndrome for every weakness. We should accept them as part of who we are and instead of mooing and wallowing as a victim, realise they’re a bit of a gift, garnish upon creativity. Give me a genius without a flaw and I’ll show you just another normal person.
So how am I today? I feel I’m winding down from a period of mildly destructive mania. Same old, same old, walking through life with a path of destruction in my wake, still eager to make 2010 ‘my year’. I went cycling last week, 17 miles of hard-work which has induced a healthier state, a thinner, more attractive state and a further feeling of well being. Abiding by the theory that drinking lots of water boosts ones metabolism, I’ve been doing a lot of that too. Anyhow; today I ate a massive sandwich and got a shower. Today I shall do little more… adios

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