I’m starting to feel tired, I work at my desk on the opposite side to my bed, a bed directly behind me beckoning me to the land of nod. As you’ve probably guessed I didn’t sleep last night, instead I read almost all of ‘a briefer history of time’ , listening to the Eurythmics from my mobile phone.
I pre-warn you now; some of the content in this blog may contain scenes of piss poor spelling and possibly hints of hideous grammar due to sleep starvation.
The reason for this lack of sleeping or awake-athon as I never call it, is to recalibrate my sleeping pattern so the sleep bit happens when it’s dark and the awake bit happens when light. Naturally (and yes I know I’ve discussed this prior) I sleep when the sun shines and rise just in time for the moon, if it was 1610 I’d have probably been burnt alive for ware-wizardry or something.
I mentioned before i was reading a famous physics book about quantum mechanics and relativity, space time and so on…i really like physics. it proves a brilliant challenge. Some would call it mental sadism, i suppose that’s a fair enough assumption because it is, through strain and mental affliction, quite a pleasure. I’m quite content to be an amateur astro-physicist, no hefty pressure and a potential degree to indulge in later on, when comfortably financed, situated in an old crumbling ruin. It truly is a test of the imagination, a bit like exercise, pushing the vividness of mental imagery with every new idea, theory or discovery.
I’m beginning to get used to the medicine I’m destined to take forever to cure my madness (bipolar). Ceasing to appear constantly drunk, numb and now more capable of stringing a decent sentence together, I’ve began to revel in the novelty of concentration. You normal folk have it easy, to me it’s the most bizarre and splendid ability. I found myself thinking ‘life’s gonna be a doddle like this’. It’s as if I’ve been training for the 100 meters for years, keeping up with all the other runners, not being able to beat, but merely keep up, whilst lugging a fully laden SAS soldier’s rucksack as well. Well now the rucksacks been dragged off and woooaammmmmmmmffffff….i’m off like a genius, ploughing through books and scribbling and scribbling and reading and drawing and everything that requires focus and concentration. Anyway…besides this there are side effects, mild paranoia, weight gain (i seriously need to work out) and drowsiness, but the concentration alone makes up for this….oh and I can’t drink booze anymore, this being my favirout past time, to lose is…well I’m not arsed, I’m saving a bloody fortune. I’ve decided anyway that the debauchery must now be pushed a side, it’s an opportunity to dig my heals in and make up for years of lost productivity….