19 hours is a long time to be a sleep. Using old olazopine as a sleeping tablet doesn’t help..19 hours, to wake up at 7pm for a barny with the father over a dirty glass. The house is tense once again and I need to get out of here. Being it now 2:25 am, I’ve decided I’ve had enough of sleep and shall not bother tonight. I’m forcing myself to write another blog. Yesterday I watched another BBC four Russian art programme….getting all philosophical with myself, writing odd snippets of intelligence on those yellow, sticky on wall pad things. My desk now varnished in pads of ‘wisdom’.
I’m hopeless at philosophy, I seemed baffled somewhat, I’ve inherited a mindset which sees the world as a science, just facts and sums. I think, well that doesn’t make sense because human nature’s too greedy for that to happen, ignoring the idea that we should strive to a utopian ideal. Strive I think..hmmmm? To me mankind only achieves anything worthy through power, meaning stepping on things. Perhaps that’s my problem, I can’t get my head around equality, I don’t want to be equal myself, frankly I’m a greedy buggar, I want to be great. Great achievements cast a shadow from a humanitarian perspective. We can’t be both great and nice, we can’t have great empires or civilisations without a human cost, binning the ideas of equality.
The ones who dream of equality and harmony, all appear to be the naturally vanquished in society, mainly a bit bitter. If we accept the world as it is and play it as it is then perhaps we can all accept our place and play it at its own game. Silly really coming from me ‘you try being a poor single mother, with fifty kids to feed on an income of three pence a week’ no offence we can see where you went wrong but true, I haven’t a clue. That’s why I’m no good at philosophy. I just don’t believe in theoretical ideals of harmony, hoping ever in vain and growing bitter by the day. If we ever had harmony, equality and no arguments, what would the philosophers have left to argue about.
Ah I’ve remembered! Those yellow pads are called ‘post-it notes’
My sister got an xbox the other day. This has undermined my no games console policy. I’ve avoided them because I’ll never get anything done, they robbed me of an outdoor childhood. Due to this, it isn’t moving from my sister’s room with her stamp sized TV, a TV so small, after five minutes of ‘GRID’ your eyeballs hurt, and thus; I refuse to become addicted.
Right it’s just gone 3 am…..(took half an hour to write and chuck out all the mental stuff)…I’m off to make a brew and smoke a ferg!!!